how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
