I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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