so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
