I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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