There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
