We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
