So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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