so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
