I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
