Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I cut my penus on the lid.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
