At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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