Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
