I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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