you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
