So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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