threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
