the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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