dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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