I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
