handjob tips. give me some.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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