Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
