if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
