Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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