Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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