she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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