Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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