I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
