dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
