my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
