u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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