Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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