Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
