Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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