??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize