my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
