That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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