dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
