Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
