Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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