I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
