After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I could fuck to npr.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
