He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
