I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
