I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
