yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
