took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
