I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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