the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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