you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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