god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
