he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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