Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
