This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
