Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I need to stop coming to work sober
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
