my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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