I feel great
I just peed on a car
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize