His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
