I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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