There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
