Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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