My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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