finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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