So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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