All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
