I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
