I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We left the knife in your bed.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
